Chaucer's Book Signing Event for "Once Upon a Kentucky Farm"

My “Once Upon A Kentucky Farm” book signing at Chaucer's Books on May 9, '22 was a rousing success.

Interviewed by Rachel Sarah Thurston, State of Sparkle, we discussed my process writing this memoir, which is about my navigation of dysfunctional family abuse and how I found healing during my childhood visits to my maternal grandparents’ farm in rural Kentucky.

The early portion of the event.

I read an excerpt.

Then, I signed copies!

Many thanks to Mike Takeuchi and Chaucer's Bookstore and all of my friends and loved ones who attended this event in support of me.

Walk in beauty.

And One of My Babies is Born

Bottom line: Publishing a book is as difficult as writing one . . . marketing it even worse.

Holding the original paperback proof copy of my first published memoir, Once Upon a Kentucky Farm: Hope and Healing from Family Abuse, Alcoholism and Dysfunction.

First published memoir, you ask? Yes, I have one more, maybe two more, but they will come later, fingers crossed.

Right now, most of my efforts are focused on "weening my first full-length literary offspring," which may take a good six months. By that I mean, there is a load of marketing to be done in order to provide my book the best opportunity to thrive. To say that writing, publishing and marketing my literary baby has been a personal challenge would be an understatement. As a writer, I'm busy as ever since my retirement as a therapist.

It took me about five years to complete writing this book, which served to some extent as a cathartic healing process along my recovery journey, and with help of my late Uncle James along the way, who provided some corrections of details.

Then came the professional editing, by that I mean paying a pro to "work it over." I consider that a worthwhile process, as my editor for this manuscript, Dale Griffiths Stamos, suggested I alternate the chapters of home and farm, which heightened the differences of intensity of those two environments.

Next came the on-going, and never ending, process of growing a social media platform, a valuable leg of current day marketing. I appreciated Rachel S. Thurston's assistance in guiding me through my website development, which continues regarding my book launch.

Once I'd completed my website, I saw no reason to continue procrastinating on publication, and contracted with Authority Publishing to do the "dirty work" required to get my manuscript into book form. I'd grown leery of the agent acquisition process, and concluded time's a-wastin'. It has seemed a lengthy process, though only about five months for Chela, my coordinator at Authority Publishing, with some work on my part, to get all the little ducklings in a row. Now in hindsight, however, it feels the process has zipped by. But then, maybe my experience with COVID skewed my perspective!

I have to share how deeply touched I've been by the wonderful book blurbs I received. Those blurbs are included in the book, but I'll share a portion of one written by award-winning author of A Few Minor Adjustments, Cherie Kephart: “Deeply personal and written with heart . . . shines a light on the many levels of trauma . . . radiates a deep understanding of the importance of moving beyond our painful circumstances. . . .”

I have to say I've learned a lot in shepherding my manuscript to publication, though I'm sure I'll learn much more as I tackle new and different ways to "inform the world about my literary baby."

BTW, as one of my "connections," you're assistance is requested, such as, reading my book, then writing a good review on my Amazon Book page, writing and posting on social media, and passing "the word" to your family and friends. Whatever you can do will be greatly appreciated.

Walk in beauty.

Photo Credit: Janet, my wife

Normal & Perfect (Wisdom of the 12-Steps)

Bottom line: Let go of negative and unhelpful self-judgment.

I’m not talking about judgements about inappropriate behavior here. I’m talking about the nah, nah, nah and the unreasonable expectations we carry in our heads. I'm talking about the quality of our esteem of self and others.

As a treatment staff member in an adult drug/alcohol residential treatment facility some years ago, I often heard clients say they wanted to be normal, meaning like normal people. I usually responded that normal wasn’t what it's cracked up to be, and they should stay focused on healing themselves and avoid comparing themselves to others. I understood the majority of the general population likely considered themselves normal. But I knew humans aren’t perfect. I knew perfection is an ideal, a concept . . . an illusion. I knew full well the idea of normal was some vague notion of the general collective other, an imagined average of their characteristics, a construct we create in our heads.

Take heart. We’re all fallible humans, warts and all, dealing with life as it unfolds in its unpredictable way, which is beyond our control. We’re left to react to multiple events as best we can, while learning as we go. And that’s okay.

Just as some of us fall into the trap of striving to be normal, that ideal that lives in our heads, we should let go of the notion of achieving perfection.

British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott termed the phrase “good enough mother” in his famous book Playing and Reality. His point being that no mother, nor caregiver or father I’ll add, needs to be, nor likely can be, perfect for their child. And who can determine what is perfect over time, much less in a given moment. It’s a cumulative, on-going process. As long as the mother, or any caregiver, exhibits compassion, caring, empathy, and, most importantly, what we call unconditional love, the child can adapt, experience and learn to deal with challenges in a healthy manner. As well, the growing child needs to face some difficulties to properly develop into a cooperative, socially appropriate individual.

Our collective and individual hope, of course, resides in the fact that we humans are malleable, flexible, and adaptive. We are capable of adjusting, improving, forgiving, and, most importantly, achieving redemption. If the mother can’t provide what’s good enough, then other caregivers, a father, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle . . . or any number of members of the extended family, may be able to fill in the gaps. In a real sense, if a family can be defined as dysfunctional, not all of its members are dysfunctional to the same degree, nor all the time in their interaction to every other member.

Our challenge should be to do the best we can, be willing to fail and learn, be open to communicate, reach out for help, and willing to rely on others. Over time our connections to others will sustain us and allow opportunity to unload our individual burdens by sharing our secrets and expressing ourselves honestly without judgement.

If you don’t have friends or family you with whom you can do that, Twelve-Step meetings are a safe place. So is counseling/therapy. Years ago, I reached out when suicidal thoughts threatened to consume me in undergraduate school.

So, reach out and connect with others. Unburden yourself of your secrets. Learn to trust others. Drop the public mask you hide behind and let down your walls. Learn to love, accept yourself in spite of your warts and imperfections. There are others out there that not only can relate, but who are willing to listen.

I leave you with this: “You don’t need to save me, you just need to hold my hand while I save myself.” Attribution Unknown

Photo Credit - wallpaperaccess.com