Expectations (Wisdom of the 12-Steps)

Bottom line: “Suit up and show up,” and “Keep coming back.” To a writer that means, Sit down and write, temper your expectations, submit more work and accept the rejections . . . then, rinse and repeat.

Our expectations abound in life. We expect the sun to rise tomorrow, whether we observe it or not. We expect gravity to pull us towards mother earth, even when we prefer it not. We all share a common set of expectations in life. Then, there are expectations less commonly shared.

Here's my encounter with one of mine, to which I suspect you can relate on the general level, if not specifically.

A few months ago, near completion of my website design, I found myself in a funk and wondered, What’s this about? My consultant, Rachel Sarah Thurston, had impressed upon me the importance of branding myself. (Though, heaven forbid, not in the sense of ranch hands tattooing cattle with hot iron!) In a very real way, I'm a novice in branding and marketing myself as a writer, at least in a conscious, deliberate manner presentable as a professional image.

I’m talking “brand,” that which differentiates one company from another, or music band from another, etc. It’s a marketing thing, and essential when you want, you need, to get noticed, to stand out from the crowd and highlight your “product.” We used to refer to brand as "your bag," and expressing yourself as “doing your own thing” or “letting your freak flag fly.” Those phrases passe, now, of course.

But it’s not easy for me to be specific and narrow myself—like voluntarily confining myself in a box—I’m a jack-of-all-trades kinda guy. When it comes to me as “the brand” . . . well, it feels superficial, like I’m trying to convince somebody of my worth. And I HATE that. My inclination is to take a trip to Rantville and cop an attitude, Hey, see me . . . I’m an earthling. Isn’t that f***in’ good enough for ya? But apparently, among the seven-billion others of us, that won’t likely generate interest in reading my work. And I’ve heard you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar! You know, the finesse approach.

So considering the bigger scheme, the long term, I pondered writing a blog about the12-Steps of Recovery, create "brand" around that, along with a theme of hiking the PCT (Pacific Crest Trail). But from what angle would I write about the 12-Steps? Would I even need an angle? Been done, that street corner claimed? I’m not saying I’m the end-all, know-all about the 12-Steps of Recovery, but I know a fair amount as a result of working in alcoholism and drug addiction treatment for twenty-five years.

Rachel suggested, “Start your own Facebook group,” among a number of encouragements. (More on this saga at a later date?)

My initial thoughts? Sure, then what? I gotta make rules, manage, monitor, patrol, police my group? I want to live and let live, not chase down bad behavior.

Instead, I searched for Facebook groups regarding the 12-Steps, found several, each with similar rules: no spam, no solicitations, no self-promotions.

Damn . . . can’t use those groups to promote my work? Can’t suggest? Mention? Hint? So, then what?

At a somewhat dead-end, I stumbled onto one group based on sharing humor related to 12-Steps.

I need some levity. Don’t we all, now and then? Oh, what the hell? Yeah, join that one. At least, maybe that one isn’t always serious.

But, joining that FB group didn’t suffice. My inner writer squirmed and my fingers twitched, finally compelling me to sit and write . . . something . . . anything. The realization dawned—step 10, "Continued to take personal inventory. . . ."—my own “stinking thinking” fear of rejection had created my virtual dead-end.

And with that, I inched forward on my healing and writing journey, and posted the first blog of my series on the “Wisdom of the 12-Steps.”

Photo Credit: Pexels - Sergei Akulich

A Bigger Understanding (Wisdom of the 12-Steps)

Bottom line: the “12-Steps of Recovery” encompass the change/growth process.

I'm a "lumper."

Way back when, during my undergraduate studies, an anthropology professor told my class, "Some are lumpers and some are splitters," referring to anthropologists in general. I knew immediately I was a "lumper." I see parallels and look for similarities, overlap and common threads.

Over time I’ve come to appreciate the simplicity, integrity and non-judgemental nature of the 12-Steps of Recovery. I'm struck by their universality of application and scope in daily human struggle. In a sense, they are a western how-to version of Buddha’s tenet regarding suffering. That is, in short: 1) all suffering is derived from desire; and 2) let go of desire to attain inner peace (by utilizing appropriate tools). Both encompass spirituality, an underlying human need for connection to the “bigger picture.”

I’ve never practiced the 12-Steps officially as a recovering individual. I learned them as a licensed therapist working in the drug/alcohol recovery field over twenty-five years. I attended numerous 12-Step meetings working with those in recovery and observed the steps in action. I exchanged ideas and shared with colleagues in various drug treatment settings. And I lectured about the 12-Steps as applied to co-dependency.

I don’t claim to be an expert in recovery, but am an expert in my life, which includes what I’ve learned about myself in relationship to the 12-Steps. I've personally practiced the 12-Steps over time. I participated in staff self-assessment groups in two residential drug/alcohol treatment settings. I sought personal counseling, overcame suicidal thoughts and low self-esteem. I participated in Est, “human potentials” training seminars created by Werner Erhard, which reinforced my self-acceptance.

Thus, I’ve experienced the 12-Steps from “both sides,” and having participated in therapy sessions as a practitioner and client, I can say in hindsight that my healing has followed the 12-Step path.

Aristotle said, “Man is by nature a social animal. . . .” Beyond that, and I’m positive that I’m not alone, I define humans as “spiritual” animals. We have a need to understand our existence, including our place in the scheme of life and the world/universe.

Though the “identified problem” varies among individuals, the 12-Steps (utilized by 12-Step programs) foster a deeper understanding, increased emotional balance and enhances “spirituality,” which to me looks no different than the goals and outcome of therapy/counseling.

Photo Credit: Hubble Space Telescope

Start From Where You Are (Wisdom of the 12-Steps)

Bottom line: you always start, or take your next step, from where you are at any given moment.

Having had experiences, both as a professional working with drug addicts and alcoholics in recovery, and healing from my own childhood and military experiences of PTSD, I plan to post blogs on the theme of "Wisdom of the 12-Steps." Moreover, I'll include how I think those steps are universal to human change, need and applicability to many every day problems.

I'd pondered what to write in restarting my blog (during a six-month design of my website), particularly whether to write about the theme of “Wisdom of the 12-Steps.” Inevitably, I asked myself a litany of questions, such as, how would I start this, where should I . . . and where need I?

In spite of my trepidation, I circled back to phrases such as Dragnet’s Joe Friday’s by-line, “Just the facts, Ma'am,” “Cut to the chase” (which I understand originated in the silent movie era), and the more recent Nike logo, “Just do it,”and accepted that my “pondering process” could continue ad infinitum and ad nauseam.

Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher, is attributed with saying, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Any journey, simple or complex, long or short, out of necessity or a whim, whether mental, emotional, physical, and/or spiritual began, or begins, with the first step . . . then proceeds from there. Corrections and adjustments can be made made along the way, and are, as necessary.

Don’t get me wrong. Planning is helpful, important and essential in some cases. But, thinking, especially when stuck in fear, isn’t the same as action, and all too often thinking and planning can be used as excuses, thus an avoidance of committing to the journey.

So, in the vein of the 12-Steps of Recovery, I needed to “Suit up and show up,” (a common encouragement in 12-Step meetings), take the next step, in spite of the risks, and thus arrived at this post, which I remind myself may not be “perfect,” though doesn’t need to be . . . because without this "first step" (or next step), I wasn't going anywhere, except in my head.

Photo Credit: drbigtoe - imgur.com