top of page

You don’t have to save me, you

just have to hold my hand

while I save myself.
Unknown

Blog Posts

As a freelance writer of creative nonfiction, I write to inspire hope for those struggling to heal from trauma. Thanks for reading my posts. If you'd like to read my archived blog posts, use this link.

  • Writer: Connard Hogan
    Connard Hogan
  • Jul 19
  • 10 min read

Updated: Jul 20


Bottom line: Hiking requires sweat equity and working body parts!


Primate celebrates the completion

of his first 1,000 miles on the PCT!

(He still needs to get to the car,

almost a mile downhill, however.)


6/27/26, Saturday (Day 0) - Prim8 and I rendezvoused with Mark R. (Wrong-way) at the Evergeen Hotel in Shasta City prior to commencing our sectional hike of the PCT from near McCloud, CA (Halfmile PCT Notes, mm 1474.5) to Etna Summit (Halfmile PCT Notes, mm 1581.0).


Our plan: Car camp to allow for day hiking (avoid carrying weight by packing overnight gear, food, bear canister, etc) by alternating our vehicles to "leapfrog" northward (NOBO) on the PCT, though hiking SOBO segments each day. As a result, we needed two sets of overnight gear (tents, sleeping bags, toiletries, etc), one set in each car.


Note: I continue to use PCT Halfmile marker designations, though while hiking, I relied on Wrong-way's references to a FarOut cell phone app. And the two references don't match! The important point for us is to hike the sections that we've not previously done, regardless of the mile marker system we're using!

6/28/26, Sunday (Day 1) - Cabin Creek Trail junction/Road 38N82 (mm 1486.5) to Road 38N53 junction (mm 1474.5, our southern most point on the PCT during this trip)


Following a hardy breakfast at the Black Bear in Shasta City, we parked my car near the trial, then drove Wrong-way's RAV 4 to the Cabin Creek Trail junction.


Beginning our SOBO hike at 10AM under clear skies and in a cold breeze, we soon adjusted to the temperature while hiking. I soon felt wet with sweat, so removed my fleece jacket, and replaced my wool skull cap with a broad-brimmed hat.


Immediately, Prim8 made it clear that he didn't appreciate the pain intensifying in my left leg. I'd figured my arthritic knee would be a problem, though was unsure as to what degree. Regardless, I hobbled onward. During the day, various parts of my left leg, from hip to foot, joined in the pain-fest, as if in a concerted effort to induce me to quit hiking.


Stop! Prim8 demanded.


Okay. You'll get no argument from me, fella.


I paused periodically to catch a breath, and in hopes of easing the pain. Alas, the pain subsided only slightly and briefly, building again once I continued on.


Wrong-way showed me a video and picture that he'd taken of a bear.


Bear! Prim8 gasped.


"I missed it," I said. Just as well, probably.


A bear is partially in view as it pauses behind a tree.

Can you see the lurking bear?

(Photo courtesy of Wrong-way)


5PM, we arrived at my car, then stopped in Shasta City for dinner, before continuing to Castle Crags State Park campground.


Contrary to my hopes, my leg ached all night, and I had difficulty sleeping.

6/29/26, Monday (Day 2) - Soda Creek/near Interstate Hwy 5 (mm 1502.7) to Cabin Creek (mm 1486.5)


Reloading our night's gear into my car, Prim8 filled with dread and not a happy camper, I knew something had to give. I'll try Advil, Prim8. That should take the edge off, at least.


We left my car at 7:15AM under a thin, high overcast. The cool temperature and breeze felt pleasant, even more so once I began to sweat. My leg discomfort seemed subdued, yet after an hour or so, the pain had returned to the previous day's intensity.


No, Prim8 griped.


We can tough it out, guy, I countered, fingers crossed.


We arrived at Wrong-way's vehicle at 4:15PM, Prim8 giving me fits over my continued left leg pain.


Once again, though in Wrong-way's car, we dined in Shasta City, then car-camped in Castle Crags State Park.


The temperature through the night was pleasant, yet I slept little, and poorly at that.


6/30/26, Tuesday, (Day 3) - Dog Trailhead (mm 1509.2) to Soda Creek/near Interstate 5 (mm 1502.7)


I discovered a blister had grown on the big toe of one foot and, on the other, a small toenail had irritated that reddened toe, despite wearing new boots!


No! Prim8 protested.


Perhaps, I should've broken these boots in beforehand, guy. But, at least, those particular pains are explained! The least of my issues, I trimmed the toenail and wrapped it and the offending blister with tape. As for my sore leg, I downed a couple of Advil along with my usual regime of script meds and supplements.


Breaking camp and repacking the car, we asked ourselves and each other questions such as, Where did I leave that?, Have you seen it?, and Did I put one in this car? We began to realize that tracking duplicate items, one in each car, would be a challenge.


"Hey Mark, remember the 'Catholic Sign of the Cross'? That might help." I gestured as I said, "Keys (car keys, of course), wallet (driver's license, credit card/money), water (for the day's hike), and filter (water filter)." Those constituted the bare essentials to carry, given our current circumstances!


Our day's hike started ~9:15AM from Dog Trail Junction in good weather and cool temperature.


I suffered the pain in my left leg, somewhat reduced by the Advil, while Primate periodically demanded, Stop!


Alright, alright. I usually needed to catch my breath and cool down, per my sweat-fest in full swing as the day's temperature increased. One step at a time, fella.


Wrong-way usually proceeded ahead of me, though waited at chosen spots for me to catch up.


Prim8 points the way

from the wooden bridge

at Winton Canyon Creek.


1:50PM, we arrived at my car at Soda Creek/near Interstate 5 (mm 1502.7), Prim8 screaming about my on-going leg ache.


We headed to Shasta City for some cooked food (and beer, of course), then onto the Gumboot Summit Junction.


"Maybe, we should start our hikes earlier," I opined. "Before sunrise," I added.


Wrong-way agreed, though Prim8 wasn't keen.


Once again, overnight temperatures were pleasant, as I squirmed inside my sleeping bag, shielded from blood-suckers by one-man "Bug Hut." My leg ache just wouldn't quit.


7/1/26, Wednesday (Day 4) - Gumboot Trailhead (mm 1526.7) to Dog Trail junction (mm 1509.2)


Usual routines of breaking camp completed, following our 6AM wake-up, we hit the trail as an array of dawn colors filled the sky.


The downhill portion of the day's segment (some 3,500 feet) felt torturous as my leg-ache increased to a near-intolerable level...and sooner...despite helpings of Advil. Sun rays beat down upon us off and on, and, by Wrong-way's best estimation, the temperature rose to 90 degrees.


Castle Crags as seen

from the west.


Near the end of our day's hike, about 2.5 miles remaining, Wrong-way offered to carry my pack.


Prim8 didn't complain, and I relented, saying, "I don't want you to feel that you need to babysit me." Something's gotta change, Prim8.


I resolved that I'd schedule an appointment with my orthopedist to replace my offending joint, which he'd told me he would do, "...whenever you're ready."


Once at Wrong-way's RAV, we drove to Shasta City for dinner...including beer, before procuring a campsite in the local KOA. Once our camp was set up, we availed ourselves of showers, which for me consisted of rinsing off my residual stink and donning my same sweaty clothing. (I didn't have soap nor clean clothes in Mark's car!)


7/2/26, Thursday (Day5) - Parks Creek Road junction (mm 1540.7) to Gumboot Trail junction/Hwy 26 (mm 1526.7)


At 9:25AM, we left Mark's car in the ample parking area at the road junction, then headed southward in excellent hiking weather.


Unshielded from the sun, the air temperature rose and we were slow-cooked as the day progressed.


A well-deserved lunch break at noon, and about 5 miles along, helped gird me for the remaining 9 miles of the day's hike to my car.


Wrong-way photographs a

few of the many wildflowers

blooming along the trail.


Throughout the day, we were treated to gorgeous views, and my leg pain, though still present, seemed slightly more tolerable. I couldn't determine why, of course, nevertheless felt glad that it hadn't grown worse.


One of the many views

of Mt. Shasta along the trail.


Clouds building, we reached Gumboot Trail junction/Hwy 26 at 5:30PM, fingers crossed that our good weather would continue.


We spent the night under a bright, full moon at Kangaroo Lake campground. Once again, pain in my leg and toes interrupted my sleep.


7/3/26, Friday (Day 6) - Cooper Meadow Trail junction/near Kangaroo Lake campground (mm 1552.8) to Parks Creek (mm 1540.7)


We arose to a clear sky and cool temperature, and started up Fen Trail to the PCT junction, about 1 mile away, at 7:40AM.


Six, or so, NOBO through-hikers passed us in irregular intervals, some chatting with us, some rushing by with little more than a Howdy-do.


At one point, struck by hikers wearing hoodies, I said to Wrong-way, "I don't understand how anyone can stand wearing those in this heat." I grasped the concept of compromise, and hauling fewer articles of clothing, while getting protection from the sun's rays. But still...the heat!


"I guess those are all the rage, now," he replied.


During one rest stop in the shade, Wrong-way noted the temperature to be 65 degrees. It certainly seemed warmer to me!


Our day's hike completed at 3:25PM, we drove to Weed for dinner...and beer, of course. Afterward, we headed to our next car-camp site at Hwy 3/Scott Mountain Summit (mm 1561.2).


Several hours of daylight remaining, and hoping to shorten the next day's segment length, we drove up a nearby gravel road. Thwarted by a locked gate, where numerous parked cars lined both sides of the narrow road, Wrong-way wasn't to be deterred. With his car parked close to the gate, we bushwhacked upslope until we reached the PCT...and right at the Trinity Alps Wilderness boundary (mm 1563.8).


As per the next day's hike itinerary of over 19 miles, and well aware of my leg issue, Wrong-way suggested, "You could hike an additional 2.6 miles segment today to the Highway 3 junction...if you're up to it." (The latter emphasized.) I can do this segment tomorrow, while you wait there with my day pack."


And, though Prim8 catastrophized, I said, "Okay. Seems easy enough, especially without a day pack."


I headed off towards the Hwy 3 junction (mm1561.2) from the Trinity Wilderness sign (mm1563.8).


7/4/26, Saturday (Day 7) - Hwy 3/Scott Mountain Summit trail junction and campground (mm 1561.2) to Cooper Meadow Trail junction/near Kangaroo Lake campground (mm 1552.8)


Wrong-way drove off at 7AM to hike from near the locked gate to the Hwy 3 trail junction where I waited.


In short order, we continued together toward my car at Kangaroo Lake campground some 9 miles on under a cloudless sky with a light breeze. The temperature hovered around 60 degrees, which felt pleasant initially. However, the rising temperature of around 90 degrees, coupled with a clear sky and scarce shade, induced sweating as we hiked.


Can you guess

what this is?


One deer, lying on the trail, arose as we approached, then wandered down the trail until it reached brush, moved off the trail a few feet, and began to browse. I couldn't help but appreciate, and feel awed, that the deer wasn't afraid of us.


Checking us out.

(Who, me in a hurry?)


After the 1.25-mile downhill slog along Fen Trail, we reached my car at 3:22PM. Straight away we drove to Callahan, where we had dinner, and...you guessed it...cold beer.


Only one reason that

I love visiting saloons!


From there, we located an unoccupied horse camp some miles drive away. I wondered about the odds of stepping in droppings as I parked adjacent to a hitching post.


Settled in early, about sunset, we hoped to rise at 3:30AM for another earlyish start.


The night temperature proved pleasant as the waning moon advanced across the sky.


7/5/26, Sunday (Day 8) - Carter Meadows Summit/Hwy 93 trailhead (mm 1581.0) to Trinity Wilderness boundary sign (mm1563.8)


I'd had a pleasant night, though not without some leg discomfort. By this point, I'd concluded that was a new norm, at least during this trip. More Advil, please!


We started our day's hike at 4:30AM. Once the sun had risen, thin, high clouds helped shade us...somewhat.


We encountered deadfall trees on numerous occasions, which necessitated awkward clambers over the larger, more inconsiderably placed, trees.


Wrong-way assisted me over a number of the more difficult ones, and at one point referred to my hiking pole as a"cane."


Am I that decrepit? I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, and, being thankful for the assistance, said nothing.


One of the many spectacular

views along the trail.


The day had grown hot before we finished our marathon hike of 11 hours, I felt knackered and relieved.


We stopped in Callahan a second time (nearest town on our route) for a beer! Then, we proceeded to Etna, where we consumed a cooked meal, along with more beer. We recognized a number of NOBO through-hikers whom we'd passed on the trail, though we didn't converse with them. (They appeared occupied with their acquaintances.)


7/6/27, Monday (Day 9) - Music Creek Trail junction (mm 1592.9) to Carter Meadows Summit Trailhead (mm 1581.0)


Up at 4:30AM, we drove 9 miles to the parking area of Music Creek nearest the PCT. At 6:05AM, we missed the trail leading to the PCT initially, so backtracked to the parking area before spotting it as it headed off at an oblique angle.


"No wonder we missed it," I said to Wrong-way.


With thin, high clouds above, and in a cool, light breeze, we switch-backed through burned forest and low brush for about 1 mile, until we reached the PCT junction at 7:10AM.


Some segments of trail crossed rock faces.


Prim8 ponders the trail ahead.


We finished our day's PCT hike of 11.9 miles at 3:30PM. Without delay, we drove to Etna for a dinner and beer, then on to Idlewild Campground to spend the night.


We planned for another early start, with a wake-up at 4:30AM, in order to beat the heat...or at least some of it.


It seemed hot, though I had no way to know the temperature for sure.


7/7/26, Tuesday (Day 10) - Etna Summit/Sawyers Road junction (mm 1600.7) to Music Creek Trail junction (mm 1592.9)


Following our routines of sorts, we broke camp, then headed off for the Etna Summit/Sawyers Bar Road junction (our northern most point on the PCT during this trip)


The sky was cloudless when we left the car at 5:50AM. The trail ascended about 3,000 feet over the next 3.5 miles, and my leg pain remained at a constant level, and mostly tolerable. As it turned out, my leg functioned quite well on the uphill, though I loathed the upcoming descent.


Again, we were treated to gorgeous views of the mountains and valleys eastward.


Sure enough, my leg pain increased as we descended, but I knew I could tough it out. Had to!


Prim8 celebrated our achievement of hiking our first 1,000 miles on the PCT when we arrived at the Music Creek trailhead, despite the fact that we still faced a descent to Mark's RAV nearly a mile away. That seemed to take forever, though we arrived at 11:35AM.


Knackered, Prim8 and I headed to Red Bluff for the night, and hopefully a good shower, restful sleep and breakfast before driving the remaining several hundred home. (Still a long drive!)


7/8/26 - Still knackered when I arrived home, I sought out my recliner in order to begin recovery.


Distance covered on the PCT this trip: Road 38N53 trail junction near the McCloud River (mm 1474.5) to Etna Summit/Sawyer Road (mm1600.7) 126.2 miles! A considerable distance, in light of my left leg problem. Thus, our accumulated miles on the PCT passed 1,000 miles on our last day's hike.


Time to junk the old knee, and opt for a newfangled trade-in!


Note: Though we spotted numerous animal species, we encountered no trail angels. Apparently, they don't exist in northern California!


Walk in beauty.


 
 
  • Writer: Connard Hogan
    Connard Hogan
  • Nov 18, 2021
  • 4 min read

Updated: Jan 6

Bottom line: There are many paths to spirituality.



Aristotle said man is a social animal. I say, in addition, man is a spiritual animal. As such, each of us has an inherent desire to answer the bigger questions of our existence.


Ever ask yourself how so many religions came to be? My answer, culture and man as spiritual animal. Each culture or society (group of people) grapples with the fundamental existential questions to which every human seeks an answer. It all boils down to where and how we, individually and collectively, fit in to the bigger scheme. I’m including many and varied questions here, such as, What happens when we die, Do we have self-determination, and How did life begin?


The need/desire to answer some or all of those questions has driven the development of religions, which then serves the spiritual needs of its followers, though each reflects the values, practices and beliefs of the culture from which it sprang (springs). And as every individual has fallibility and blind spots, so do cultures, and thus religions. As a result, no one religion has the corner on spirituality. By that I mean every religion potentially can lead an individual to the same place, if only. . . . If only the cultural blind spots don’t inhibit that person. If only the individual can work their way through the weeds, the labyrinth of rituals and practices that create that religion’s blind spots.


If you're still with me here, I’m saying no religion has the perfect formula, nor a formula for everyone. As well, every religion changes over time as a reflection of its followers/cultural underpinning. No religion is the sole proprietor of spirituality. Moreover, no one religion is necessary to attain enlightenment/spirituality, nor any in that sense. Rather, finding and piecing together the commonality helps alleviate contradictions in any particular culture/religion and gets closer to the essence of spirituality.


Having lived a few years now, and been exposed to the 12-Steps, I consider those steps a good guideline, not only for those seeking relief from their struggles with destructive behavior, but a path to their spiritual development. I don’t see the 12-Steps as part of a cult nor a religion, though they can act as an adjunct to religion.


Though the 12-Steps originally incorporated the use of the term God, though higher power has supplanted that more recently. I’ve heard encouragement to newer members/attendees of meetings to consider a chair as their higher power, if that works for them. There is no dogma attached to anyone’s definition or determination of higher power, in whatever form.

The purpose of developing a personal higher power is to surrender one’s self in Step 2. That is, give up the idea that one controls and can deal with their problem(s) alone through their thinking and willpower. In psychological terms, I see that as putting the ego aside. The entire point of surrendering willpower is to give up on the notion of controlling that behavior which has been and is out of control for that individual. Imagine resisting drinking water when your dying of thirst! Most everyone attempting to overcome an addiction to a substance or destructive behavior can testify that they’ve quit many times, though never remained abstinent. Obviously, a significant focus of discussion in 12-Steps meetings centers around relapse, and the phrases, One day at a time, and, Easy does it, which are heard frequently.


Case in point: my father smoked like a chimney and stopped many times. Problem was he couldn’t stay stopped and succumbed to lung cancer.


Recently, someone claimed the 12-Steps and meetings were a cult. Here’s what I say about that. The Merriam-Webster dictionary includes several definitions of cult. To apply any of those to the 12-Steps or 12-Step meetings in any serious way becomes a considerable stretch, at least in any negative sense. The 12-Steps don’t extol a deity, nor the program have a leader. Instead, the steps point the way on a path that has worked and is working for others to avoid their destructive behavior. Absolute adherence to dogma isn’t required. Instead, recommendations are made and some best practices are followed, such as maintaining anonymity and utilizing a sponsor (a more experienced support buddy). The 12-Steps are voluntary, take ‘em or leave ‘em. Meeting attendance doesn’t require special clothing or tithing. There’s no hierarchical establishment, though there are fellow recovering members who have secured a meeting location, lead the meeting, purchase coffee and so on. Meetings can occur anywhere, wherever an organizer can arrange. Some meetings occur in a house of worship, though that isn’t a necessity and many don’t. The meetings are intended to provide safe places for attendees to share what they are doing that is working for them, unload emotional baggage, gain insight, and provide encouragement and support to others. The latter brings the steps full circle at Step 12: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Substitute other destructive behaviors for the term alcoholics.) The meetings become a mutual self-help process utilizing the guidelines of the 12-Steps. I see this as a similar process to that of therapy/counseling, the final goals being the same or nearly so.

I believe answers to our existential questions are all around us. We are of them. We are infused with them. We are not, and have never been, separated from our spirituality, though we blind ourselves by creating walls within ourselves. And that if each of us listens and looks, maybe we can come to understand the above, arrive at an inner peace of grace and serenity, and live in the question without self-righteous judgment of others. Moreover, perhaps, we can abandon intolerance and the expectation that others follow our path.


Walk in beauty.


(Photo Credit: pexels - Adam Kontor)

 
 

You can email me:

connard@connardhogan.com

Subscribe to My Quarterly Newsletter

Thanks for subscribing!

Top of page

Background Photo Credit: Nick Kwan/Pexels

© 2023 by Connard Hogan. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page